De paradox van emotieregulatie

Er is veel geschreven over emotieregulatie. Logisch natuurlijk, omdat er zoveel problemen ontstaan vanuit
het ventileren van emoties. Dan hebben we het vooral over het ventileren van emoties zoals boosheid en agressie, afgunst en jaloezie. Destructief voor onszelf en onze omgeving. Maar moeten we daarom deze emoties ‘regulieren’ ofwel inhouden, onderdrukken en parkeren? Of kunnen we ook op een andere, constructieve manier naar emotieregulatie kijken?

Het ventileren van emoties is het gedrag als gevolg van een emotie. Wat er destructief is aan ventileren is het schadelijke effect dat het heeft op de omgeving. Hierdoor komen er scheurtjes in relaties of worden bepaalde sociale regels overschreden die een ander leed berokkenen. Dat is vervolgens weer nadelig voor ons, omdat we daarmee onze eigen glazen ingooien tot rampscenario’s aan toe in de schrijnendste gevallen. Je kunt hier gerust denken aan delinquenten en psychiatrische problematiek. Met het leren emoties te reguleren, lossen we alleen niet de oorzaak op van het ontstaan van de emotie en de neiging tot het gedrag als gevolg van de emotie. Laten we daar even bij stilstaan.

Leren emoties reguleren

Er is eerst een conflict in de psyche, daar reageert de emotie op en ons gedrag wordt weer aangestuurd door de emotie. Emotieregulatie gaat dus maar voor een klein deel over het leren beheersen van emoties en gaat vooral over het leren bewust(!) worden en sturen van de psyche.
Kan dat dan? Zul je misschien denken. Alsof we willoze onderdanen zijn van onze geest. Alsof onze geest een derde persoon is waar we geen controle over hebben. Ik zou bijna vragen: Wie heeft er geen controle? Wie is degene die emoties moet leren reguleren? Niet de geest, zeker niet als die al opgegeven is, omdat er bijvoorbeeld een bepaald psychiatrisch beeld is gediagnosticeerd. Ik creëer bewust een beetje verwarring, omdat juist hier de grootste misvatting zit als het gaat om het ventileren van emoties op onze omgeving.

Er lijkt altijd een ‘ander’ schuldig te moeten zijn voor ongenoegen in onszelf. En als je het gaat rationaliseren en refereren aan bepaalde goeds, fouts, ik en anderen dan kun je het ongetwijfeld zo draaien dat dat ook werkelijk zo lijkt te zijn. Alles wordt in de menselijke geest verpersoonlijkt en deze persoonsvormen moeten worden gerefereerd aan kaders van goed, fout, beter en best. Als er iets fouts gebeurt dan is er een ‘iemand’ fout… En meestal willen we dat zelf niet zijn. En dus moet er geventileerd worden op de omgeving.

In de menselijke geest wordt alles
verpersoonlijkt

Laten we dan nu eens kijken waarom er emoties als boosheid en jaloezie of wraakzucht ontstaan. Ik kijk graag naar ‘wat ging eraan vooraf?’ in plaats van naar ‘hoe fixen we het symptoom’. Het symptoom is het uitleven van emotie, wat destructie in de buitenwereld oplevert. Of het onderdrukken van de emotie, wat pijn in onszelf veroorzaakt. De oorzaak zit in de geest, kijk maar eens mee…

Emoties kunnen we opwekken, mee eens? Hoe? Bijvoorbeeld door je ‘kwaad te maken’ over een bepaald onderwerp. Je moet daarvoor met je geest bewust(!) naar een onderwerp toe (of naar een persoonsvorm waaraan je de schuld toedicht) om de emotie op te wekken. Je zult merken dat dit direct een drang tot actie opwekt. In dit geval naar buiten gericht. Emoties zoals angst zullen ons juist aanzetten tot huiveren. Emoties bepalen daarin ons gedrag.
De emotie an sich echter heeft niets kwaads in de zin. Emoties zijn het gevolg van de gedachten waar wij aandacht aan geven. Zoals bij het zoeken naar een verhaal waar we ons kwaad over kunnen maken. Waar we aandacht aan geven is een keuze! Energie volgt onze aandacht en emoties geeft die energie vorm in de gevoelslaag. Zo zullen onze emoties ons leren welke verhalen we aandacht geven en hoe we dat doen (met welke lading), ook als we dat zelf niet door hebben. Emoties helpen ons dus bloot te leggen op welke bewuste, maar ook - en misschien wel voornamelijk - onbewuste overtuigingen ons gedrag is gebaseerd!

Emoties helpen ons bloot te leggen op welke
onbewuste overtuigingen ons gedrag is gebaseerd!

Dat doen ze door middel van energetische logica. Emoties geven namelijk letterlijk weer welk effect de geestelijke informatie - die wij aandacht hebben gegeven en de manier waarop wij die informatie gebruiken - heeft op ons energiesysteem. Zo zal een gedachte als ‘ik begrijp het niet’ in eerste instantie de emotie verwarring opleveren, wat een energetisch zoekende beweging is rond het hoofd. Maar wat we er daarna in onze geest mee doen zal het vervolg aan emoties bepalen. ‘En dat is jouw schuld’ zal boosheid of zelfs wraakgevoelens kunnen opwekken, ‘en dan zal het misgaan’ wekt angst op en ‘dus ben ik dom’ zal zelfafwijzing en als gevolg daarvan verdriet kunnen opleveren. De emotie die het heftigst voelbaar is, is de gedachte die de meeste lading en aandacht heeft gekregen. Let op! Dit gebeurt veelal volledig onbewust.

 

Over emotieregulatie

Oké, en dan komen ze aan met ‘emotieregulatie’ en moeten we die emoties van bijvoorbeeld boosheid in bovengenoemd voorbeeld gaan ‘reguleren’ ofwel inhouden, onderdrukken, parkeren of transformeren. Op zich geen verkeerd idee. Emoties kunnen reguleren is een belangrijke vaardigheid. De crux zit hier in het niet meer onderdrukken van de emoties en ze ook niet ventileren, maar ze in jezelf durven laten stromen zodat het uitdooft. Belangrijk hierin is wel dat je het verhaal dat voorafging aan de emotie niet langer voedt, anders zul je stiekem toch de emotie onderdrukken, parkeren en later uitleven of hij zal blijven stromen zonder einde.
Een emotieregulerende houding ten opzichte van alle emoties is prima en zelfs heel mooi. Maar(!), we moeten dus ook wat met de gedachten die eraan voorafgingen. Kiezen wij ervoor onze aandacht op iets te leggen dat ons vreugde geeft, ervaren we vreugdevolle emoties en zullen we ons positiever gedragen ten opzichte van de buitenwereld. Ik weet dat dat niet zo makkelijk is als het lijkt, omdat de trekkracht van wraakzucht, hebzucht, jaloezie, slachtofferschap en luiheid om er maar een paar te noemen heel erg groot is. En toch is het echt een kwestie van kiezen waar jij je aandacht op wilt richten. Dat brengt dus verantwoordelijkheid met zich mee voor jezelf. Het niet meer afschuiven van schuld en daarmee van verantwoordelijkheid op een ander, buiten jezelf!

Als we nog even teruggaan naar de emotie die zich vormt in de energielaag als gevolg van de gedachte, dan zoekt energie altijd een gezonde balans in jouw energiesysteem. Emoties zijn daar verantwoordelijk voor. Als jij een gedachte aandacht geeft die gaat over ‘ik ben zielig’ zul je emoties van verdriet opwekken. Deze emotie heeft een neerwaartse en zuiverende beweging en zal jouw energie weer ontspannen daar waar jij ‘krampt’. De emotie verdriet is dus energie-regulerend. Maar ook boosheid is een balanszoekend gevolg van een energetische beweging die jouw aandacht volgde op een manier die jou uit balans haalde. Jij verlegde je energie (aandacht) met focus op een schuldige buiten jou, waardoor je jezelf energetisch versnippert. En is het niet zo dat wij krachtig zijn als we gecentreerd zijn? Gecentreerd zijn betekent je energie gebundeld bij jezelf houden… en dat begint met aandacht bij jezelf houden.

Emoties hoeven niet gereguleerd te worden alsof ze de boosdoeners zijn. Het is de energie die gereguleerd moet worden. En dat begint met keuzes die wij maken voor onze geest en het toelaten dat de emotie zijn werk doet in onszelf. Dit toelaten in onszelf is emotieregulatie. Emotieregulatie als hulpbron, omdat emoties altijd balans zoeken. Dat is de paradox van emotieregulatie.

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  93. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  94. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  95. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  99. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  101. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  103. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  104. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  105. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  106. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  107. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  108. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  109. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  110. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  111. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  113. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  114. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

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  116. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  121. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  122. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  123. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  125. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  127. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  129. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  147. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  148. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  149. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  150. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  151. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  152. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  153. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  155. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  156. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  157. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

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  160. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  164. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  165. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  166. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  167. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  168. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  169. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  170. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  172. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  174. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  176. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  182. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  183. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  188. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  189. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  190. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  192. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  193. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  194. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

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  196. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  197. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  198. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  201. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  203. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  209. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  219. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  235. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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  237. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

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  242. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  243. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  244. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

  245. Players can create up to three characters and they receive a level 50 voucher for each of them. The cash shop offers premium cosmetics but no pay-to-win items.

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  247. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  248. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

  249. Blade & Soul Rebellion offers the original B&S experience without the latest content updates and changes that didn’t sit right with all the players. The community is active and the Discord channel has all the needed info.

  250. Rebellion is a private BnS server operating since 2020. Characters are capped at level 55 and Hongmoon level 15. Chapter 1. The Encroaching Darkness is the last quest in the storyline available on Rebellion.

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