Man in rolstoel

De mens ‘patiënt’ is niet ziek of zielig

Wanneer ik mensen coach, ga ik hen tegemoet als gelijkwaardige, kijk ik naar dat wat hen bijzonder maakt en zoek ik altijd naar waar het wél stroomt. Dáár zit namelijk de winst!

De belangrijkste valkuil waarin ik hulpverleners zie vallen is hun cliënten, coachees of patiënten zien en benaderen alsof ze iets mankeren en dus een defect hebben. Er wordt vervolgens hard meegedacht aan het oplossen van het 'probleem'. Natuurlijk komen zij niet voor niets naar je toe en zal er een disbalans zijn mentaal, emotioneel en/of fysiek, maar de houding ten opzichte van je cliënten zou moeten liggen op de heelheid in hen. Dit is ook de reden waarom ik mezelf 'autist' noem en niet 'iemand met autisme'. Autisme is geen ziekte of probleem dat je hébt, het is een onderdeel van jouw mens-zijn. Maar ook al is de kwaal tijdelijk, zoals met een fysieke klacht, dan nog ligt het grootste deel van de heling in het helpen van de cliënten naar een focus die ligt op de heelheid in henzelf. En beste manier om dat te bewerkstelligen is om het goede voorbeeld te geven.

Ik erken als hulpverlener wel het gevoel en het idee dat de cliënt over zichzelf heeft, maar ik kies ervoor dat wat zij zien als probleem niet als probleem te bestempelen én er niet in te duiken, zodat ze van mij kunnen afkijken hoe ze hun blik kunnen richten. Ik weerspiegel daarmee hun kracht, hun potentie en hun licht. Het is mijn ervaring dat dat een directe verlichting kan geven op problemen. Net als het andersom het geval is: de mens zien als iemand met een probleem en je daarop richten kan een directe verzwaring betekenen van hun ervaring en al het licht uitdoven. Vergis je niet in energetische overdracht! Ik sprak onlangs nog met een autistische ervaringsdeskundige, werkzaam bij GGZ, welke zich mateloos ergerde aan de houding van collega's ten opzichte van autisten. De aanname dat het een 'stoornis' is, een probleem, een defect... Er bij voorbaat vanuit gaan dat dingen niet zullen lukken voor deze persoon... Dat helpt niet.

Dit zie je niet alleen in hulpverlening, maar ook in onderwijs terug. Als een kind ergens niet goed in is, wordt daar alle focus op gelegd. Met alle frustratie, faalangst en zelfafwijzing als gevolg. Veel mooier zou zijn de focus te leggen op de kwaliteiten en daarmee de zwaktes te ondervangen. En daarbij: Onderscheid moet er zijn. Expert zijn op één vlak, betekent vaak niet zo goed zijn op een ander vlak. Is dat een probleem? Welnee, dat kun je gerust aan iemand anders overlaten.

Terug naar de coachsessie. Stel je voor dat ik een coachee ontvang. Die legt zijn probleem bij me neer en al mijn focus gaat naar dat probleem en mijn empathie naar deze mens die het zo moeilijk heeft... En daarbovenop herken ik ook nog eens de problematiek en neig ik ernaar een oplossing te zoeken in het verhaal. Wat gebeurt er? Met deze houding voed ik het probleem en het slachtofferschap van de cliënt. En, daar waar slachtofferschap is, is per definitie lijden. Wat er ook gebeurt is dat ik als coach word meegezogen in de negatieve frequentie van 'probleemkijken' en niet zuiver meer kan functioneren. Maar op het moment dat ik me richt op de heelheid in de coachee, dan ontvouwt zich op een bijna humoristische manier het patroon waarmee deze persoon zichzelf uit balans brengt. Van binnenuit komt er dan inzicht en oplossing. Ik was alleen maar spiegel voor het pad van 'verlichting van lijden'.

Dit betekent niet dat ik mijn vinger niet leg op de crux. Dat doe ik wel, maar ik doe het door de coachee eerst mee te nemen naar de plek waar heelheid is en van daaruit te kijken naar hoe deze heelheid en balans door zichzelf verstoort wordt! Tegelijk geef ik ze de ervaring dat kijkende vanuit heelheid, defect niet bestaat.

 

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224 reacties op “De mens ‘patiënt’ is niet ziek of zielig”

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