Emoties uiten? Of beter van niet…

Er heerst een idee dat het belangrijk is al je emoties te uiten. Alsof het een remedie is om gezond met emoties om te gaan. Ik zou hier graag enige nuances in aanbrengen. Als we al onze onvrede, boosheid en frustratie om ons heen zouden verspreiden zou het er niet gezelliger op worden en het is maar zeer de vraag of dat constructief werkt voor de geëmotioneerde.

Als we het over emoties van Liefde en genegenheid hebben, zou je zeggen, is dat een ander verhaal. Maar ook die emoties kun je niet zomaar in iedere vorm en fantasiebeeld waarmee het in je opkomt zomaar uiten. “Maar…” antwoordde iemand op de quote: ‘emoties hoeven niet persé geuit, ze willen worden begrepen’  die ik op social media plaatste van de week “… hoe kun je emoties dan begrijpen als je ze niet uit?”

Emoties hoeven niet persé geuit,
ze willen worden begrepen

Tussen het moment van het opkomen van een emotie en het uiten van een emotie zou bewustzijn mogen zitten. Bewustzijn van de emotie, van wat het wil zeggen en waarom het zich op dat moment aan jou kenbaar maakt. Als we bewustzijn weglaten dan is er inderdaad alleen geuite emotie en wat de gevolgen daarvan zijn hoef ik niemand uit te leggen, dat ondervinden wij dagelijks in onze relaties.

Emoties zijn niet bedoeld om ze persé te uiten, maar er wil wel uiting aan gegeven worden… nádat er begrepen is hoe. Uiting geven aan emoties hoeft niet altijd in de vorm van woorden naar een ander toe. Soms, zo als bijvoorbeeld bij de emotie daadkracht, wil dit in daden. Ook weer niet persé naar een ander toe.

Emoties zijn een navigatiemiddel in ons en voor ons. Het is er om ons te helpen gezond(!) voort te bewegen op ons pad. Ins ons leven komen andere mensen voorbij. Ja, in relaties spelen gevoelens mee, maar die zijn er als gebruiksaanwijzing voor wat wij nodig hebben, niet als instructies om anderen mee te veranderen. Ik schrijf dit zo maar eens om je bewust te maken van je interne motieven om te willen voelen. Of juist om minder te willen voelen 😉

Emoties zijn er voor ons. Vanaf het moment van opkomen van een emotie wil er bewustzijn en begrip komen over de functie, de boodschap en de noodzaak van de emotie… Daarna kijken we wel waartoe deze emotie je wil aanzetten in welke uitingsvorm dan ook. Uiting geven aan jeZelf wordt wel aangewezen door emotie, maar hoeft niet geladen te zijn door emotie. De emotie is de boodschapper die eraan vooraf gaat, niet ‘degene’ die de uiting doet. Dat doe jij. En ja.. graag bewust!

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  186. Jeetje, ik denk dat iemand dit geschreven heeft die heel erg bang is voor emoties…
    Ik hoop dat ze due nog ter harte neemt, haar emoties 🙂😌🙏❤️

  187. Mooi geschreven Vera, klopt voor mij.
    Als ik iets doorzie, is er begrip en dat geeft mij ruimte. Ik kom dan los van een idee, overtuiging, aanname en of verwachtingen.
    De ruimte die dan ontstaat kan worden vervuld met bijvoorbeeld, dankbaarheid, ontspanning en soms ontlading van dat wat geuit wil worden.
    Dan ben ik weer een stapje dichter bij mij zelf…..wat dat dan ook mag zijn.

  188. Emoties zijn vooral momentopnames, waaraan jezelf ‘betekenis’ geeft, als je ze laat zijn op het moment, dalen ze in je hart en kun je er van een afstandje naar kijken. Waar komt het vandaan? Is best interessant om naar te kijken vooral vanwege het ‘aha!! – effect want er zit altijd een behoefte achter en juist vanuit die behoefte kun je aangespoord worden tot handelen, dan ben je volgens mij vooral positief bezig met je emotie(s) en laat deze je humeur, je dag of je relatie niet verpesten. Eraan werken legt de verantwoordelijkheid bij jezelf en dan kan je delen met de ander, zo je wilt, waar je mee bezig bent, wat je doel is, zonder die emotie ‘uit te melken’, die op zich niet meer belangrijk is, want je kunt deze niet (meer) veranderen = voorbij!

  189. In hierboven geschreven laatste alinea staat de functie van emoties heel helder verwoord. ‘Vera Verheldert’ super, daar kan ik helemaal in meegaan. De emotie laat mij iets in mijzelf ervaren, meestal kan ik dit eerst in mijzelf processen en pas dan komt er een (bewuste) actie naar buiten. Ik zie het als een vorm van beheersing die ook nodig is. Want als iedereen zijn emoties voortdurend zou uiten dan zou het ‘overvol’ worden aan voortdurende prikkels. Omdat elke geuite emotie ook weer een emotionele reactie van een ander teweeg kan brengen. Voortdurend alle emoties uiten zou de ‘sociale hygiene’ naar mijn idee ‘vervuilen’.
    Dus voor mij voelt het meer als: emoties uiten zoveel als nodig om jezelf en de functie ervan te begrijpen met als doel om zsm vanuit een volwassen bewustzijn te kunnen communiceren en de uitwisseling zo ‘zuiver’ mogelijk te houden.

  190. Wat een mooi onderzoek. Ik ben het met vera eens dat er bij het opkomen van een emotie en het uiten daar is het belangrijk dat bewustzijn van de emotie en wat die jou te vertellen heeft plaats vind.
    Dan heb je een bewuste keuze. Uiten of niet uiten. De realisatie kan genoeg zijn.
    Als lichaamsgerichte therapeut werk ik vooral met emoties. Veel van mijn cliënten zijn zich er niet van bewust dat ze in een emotie schieten. Dan vraag ik naar hun gevoel /emotie. Het leren toelaten van emotie is de eerste en zeker belangrijke stap. Dat vraagt dat ze kwetsbaarheid durven toe te laten. In dat stadium geef ik voorrang aan de emotie uiten. In een verder gevorderd stadium map ik steeds meer bewustzijn erbij. Door te vragen wat wil de emotie dat je gaat doen.
    Dus ik wil ook maar zeggen dat dit onderzoek ook gekoppeld dient te worden aan de ontwikkeling/bewustzijns fase van mensen.
    Nou zoiets wilde ik hier kwijt.
    Ps in de quote levert het woord begrijpen verwarring op. Begrijpen doe je met je hoofd en er is veel verwarring over begrijpen. Gr marjo

    1. Hoi Marjo, ik lees jou Ps en geef graag een reactie daarop omdat dat voor mij anders voelt.
      Begrijpen voelt voor mij breder of omvattender als alleen vanuit het hoofd. En als ik goed naar het woord kijk dan zit er een ‘grijpen’ in en dat doe je met je lichaam. Zo voelt het ook. ‘Snappen’ voelt voor mij meer als een activiteit van alleen het hoofd en begrijpen voelt voor mij meer als een totaal. En misschien is dat wat de engelsen zeggen nog een stapje verder: ‘learned by Heart’. Dan is het al meer ingedaald, geïntegreerd. 🙂

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Het Emotie Expertise Centrum heeft als doelstelling het overdragen van kennis en inzicht over de functie, boodschap, werking van en omgang met emoties.
Wij streven ernaar dat emoties weer de positieve aandacht krijgen die ze verdienen, zodat de mens in balans met zichzelf en zijn omgeving kan functioneren.

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